i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
