maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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