he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
