I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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