Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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