Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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