The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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