i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
