yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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