you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
did i walk over a car last night?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
