**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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