What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
