Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
