Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize