Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize