The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
