i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
