If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
