Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
