I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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