they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
