I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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