so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
