Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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