Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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