are you still at the devil's house?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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