She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
