1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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