my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
