I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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