apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
