I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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