I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
