Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
