I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
even my farts smell like vagina
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
