a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
