You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
