shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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