I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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