so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
