i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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