Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize