wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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