I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
