You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
