but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
True college students do jello shots in the library
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
