so that wasnt chicken after all
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
