smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
