i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
