My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
