Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize