I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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