You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
