After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
