Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
