May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
