Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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