sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
only you would photoshop your dick
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
