omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
