I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
