there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
