i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
