So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
