she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
