Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
