My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
