Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
