Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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