I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
