Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
