Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So here I am, sexting at work.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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