I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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